Why Timing Matters in Growth and Healing

“I’ve tried everything — meditation, journaling, cold showers, therapy, but nothing seems to work.”

A client once said this to me during a session, and I remember how heavy their words felt.

They weren’t lacking motivation or self-awareness — if anything, they were doing too much too soon. What they didn’t realize (and what many of us forget) is that even the right tool can feel wrong when it’s used at the wrong time.

That conversation stayed with me because it captured something I see often in my clinical work: growth isn’t linear, and progress isn’t just about what you do; it’s about when you do it.

Psychologists Prochaska and DiClemente (1983) described this through the Transtheoretical Model of Change, which explains that people move through stages — from not yet recognizing a problem, to contemplating it, to acting, and eventually maintaining change. When we apply a resource before we’re ready — like trying to analyze trauma before our nervous system feels safe — we can end up reinforcing frustration rather than healing. 

But when a resource matches our current stage of readiness, it becomes transformative. From a neuroscience perspective, timing isn’t just emotional, it’s biological. Under stress, the prefrontal cortex, which handles reasoning and reflection, goes temporarily “offline” (Arnsten, 2009). This means that trying to apply logic or self-talk when you’re dysregulated often doesn’t work. In those moments, body-based resources — breathing, grounding, movement are far more effective. Once the nervous system calms, the prefrontal cortex re-engages, and then reflective tools like journaling or therapy processing become useful again. 

The brain and body are in constant dialogue — but they need to be speaking the same language. In my clinical work, I often guide clients through a three-step framework: regulate first, reflect next, and reframe last. When you’re anxious, frozen, or overwhelmed, start with the body — breathe, move, or use grounding techniques. When you feel stable, explore meaning through journaling, therapy, or self-inquiry. Once insight arises, you can shift perspective or behavior.

As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk reminds us in The Body Keeps the Score, “The body keeps the score of trauma — and healing begins by restoring a sense of safety in the body before meaning can be made.” The challenge is accepting that you can’t rush readiness. Our culture glorifies constant improvement, yet psychological growth is cyclical, not linear.

Sometimes you’re in a season of learning, sometimes of rest, and sometimes of integration. The right resource offered too early can feel irrelevant. The wrong one offered too late can hold you back. But the right resource, offered at the right time, can change everything. 

If you’re in a season of survival, focus on regulation. If you’re in a season of curiosity, focus on understanding. If you’re in a season of growth, focus on action. Knowing where you are is what helps you choose wisely. Before you reach for the next tool, pause and ask yourself, “Is this what I need right now — or what I wish I needed?” That awareness alone might be the most powerful resource you have.